Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Break out the emergency chocolate

You know when you've been looking forward to a film for ages, read the glowing reviews, heard from friends that it's amazing and finally get round to seeing it only to discover it’s a dud? Well that's how I feel about this week.

This week promised so much; initial court decision and Jake's first home visit both offering much hope.
Don't panic, there is no actual bad news, just a lack of good news and a truly bobbins conversation.

Still no news from the court team. Apparently it can take four days for them to upload the outcome on 'the system' (computer says no) and so, despite either a penalty or court date now decided, we are none the wiser. This holds everything up and it starts to feel like some sort of deliberate torture.
With regards to Jake's visit; he was due to be picked up from the hospital at 2:30pm and be taken back at 3:45pm. This would mean approximately 1 hour at home. Of course the taxi didn't turn up until nearly 3pm, so we only had 35 minutes which made it feel very rushed and unsatisfactory as, due to the nature of his injury, Jake is very easily overwhelmed which makes him withdrawn and sleepy. Great.

The taxi and Occupational Therapist went off at 3:45pm as billed, leaving Jake's key worker behind so we could talk about the practical stuff needed to get Jake home more regularly and for longer periods. She chose this moment to share her widely pessimistic view of Jake's potential recovery (he'll never do this, that and the other) and fun things like the fact my beautiful house probably won’t be adequate for Jake, something that is normally done in a balanced conversation with the whole rehab team at a formal review meeting, led by the consultant and when I have had time to prepare and usually have Sister in Law on hand to support. She then left me. On my own.
Yes, I fell apart (I've got eczema under my right eye from crying so much - attractive). No, it won't finish me off. Yes, I am now embracing that helpful emotion, anger. No, I'm not planning on actually hurting anyone...yet.

So, it is Wednesday morning and this week has already failed to live up to expectations. I have been about as effective as a teapot from a work perspective today and am sincerely hoping that tomorrow brings better news and I will start again then.
Fortunately Jake's Mum sent chocolate, so it's not all bad.

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