Friday, 13 April 2012

Delays, disappointment and decisions

Well, its’ been another eventful week, the key themes being; delays, disappointment and Big Decisions.

The delays are legal and of the kind that make you want to spit; ‘that woman’ didn’t bother to respond to the summons with a plea so, in their infinite wisdom, the magistrates decided to give her an extension to the 30th April.  Thanks for that, oh no, please don’t worry about the victim and his family whose lives are on hold until this is resolved! 

Three things could happen now; she pleads guilty and gets her points and fine which means we can move forward with the civil case; she still doesn’t bother to plea which means they will ‘find in her absence’ (hopefully the same outcome as the first option); or she pleads not guilty and a further date is scheduled for a full hearing “sometime later in the year”.  It’s no real surprise that I’m going slightly bonkers, but more on that later.

The disappointment is to do with Jake’s home visits last weekend.  Saturday’s visit went well; the specialist taxi driver we have hooked up with is lovely and Sister in Law and Jake’s best friend Mike and his squeeze Danielle were there to support.  Jake was a bit overwhelmed at first, but seemed to settle really well and we had high hopes for his next visit home on Bank Holiday Monday.  Much of this hope centred around Jake’s new wheelchair which is a standard, self-propelling, light wheelchair as opposed to the huge attendant assisted armchair he has previously used.  I had visions of him happily wheeling himself around Korving Towers reacquainting himself with our home and all his stuff (which is daft in itself because he is much more likely to stay in one room as he gets very overawed by change, but I have a VERY active imagination).  Hope can be a bit of a bugger though and, literally just before he was hoisted into his wheelchair, Jake had his first seizure for over two months, a proper one. 

I have never had a seizure, but I am reliably informed that they are completely exhausting and when you put this together with the extreme fatigue Jake suffers as a result of his injury, you can imagine how wiped out he was.  Also take a moment to imagine how relieved I was that it had happened then and not in the taxi or at Korving Towers. All this is disappointing on two levels; one because we were all, especially Jake, looking forward to his visit (and boy did he let me know he thought I was somehow behind the cancellation!) and second because we really thought that his epilepsy was under control.  Ho hum.  He is fine now and due to visit home again this weekend so I am relying on hope to cut us some slack.

All this, on top of all the crap I reported in last week’s blog has led me to having ‘a bit of a wobble’ and has compelled me to make a Big Decision. 

Currently my life is a frantic jumble of priorities; I work 5 hours a day, but it’s not one of those jobs where you can just switch off when you finish; I spend as much time as possible at the hospital supporting Jake’s rehab, but all too often am not available to be in therapy sessions; I am neglecting friends and family except those who physically come to me (even then I keep double booking and forgetting commitments); and I am most definitely not on top of things at Korving Towers, which is a bit like a B&B most weekends…only with friends as guests and added wine.  Add to this the anxiety and stress related to having your whole life and future upended and I am reaching critical mass!  Fundamentally I am trying to do too much and therefore doing none of it well. So I have decided I need to take an unpaid sabbatical from work and fortunately I work for a massively supportive organisation who are happy to facilitate this.  From the 1st June I will be able to completely focus on my Jake and me; a decision which has made me feel almost human again.

At this point I would like to pre-empt the inevitable clever comments about how this spookily and conveniently coincides with the start of summer.  You’re right, it does.

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