Thursday, 27 September 2012


Stop what you're doing right seriously, stop, just for a moment.

When was the last time you and the person you love most in the world stopped and spent time just enjoying each other?  Not doing the shopping, chasing children around, thinking about work, bills, DIY, the washing?

I don't mean to lecture, but you see I have a unique perspective.

This weekend Jake is coming home for 48 hours for the first time and I can't wait.  He has come home many times for 24 hours but this short time is spent either with Jake recovering from the journey, squeezing in visitors or building up to the time the taxi arrives to take us back to the rehab hotel.  This weekend, for the first time in 11 months, we will have a genuine opportunity to just be.  The whole of Saturday we will be together; we will wake up together, we will wander down to the paper shop together, watch a film together, play with the cats together, talk meaningless shit, go to sleep together.  We will also be able to be in different rooms and be relaxed about it because we're not trying to cram in as much 'quality time' as possible.  And we will still have a visitor on Sunday (really looking forward to seeing you Hats!), but we can relax and enjoy that visit because we won't resent it. 

All a bit more normal and less like an event.

Taking off the rose tinted spectacles for a moment, there is no doubt that a 48 hour home visit will also be challenging; Jake has a severe brain injury and his deficits mean that he needs constant reassurance, support and care.  We will have a carer to help in the mornings, but the reality is that this weekend will require a great deal of effort and patience from both of us.

Oh yes, effort and patience...and love and energy and understanding and humour and affection.

HELLO?!? How chuffing amazing is that?!  Six months ago it seemed very unlikely that Jake and I would ever have a 'normal' weekend together again.  We were facing the real possibility of long term residential care and now we are talking to the Rehab Hotel and PCT teams about a 3-6 month timetable to get Jake home permanently with independent living skills!

Honestly; do I need to use anymore exclamation marks? Stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW.  Find that person and make sure they know how utterly essential they are to your survival and how completely you love them.  Then get your diaries out and put some time aside just for you to be together.  If you're not with that person yet, then make time for you because you are just as important. No excuses; someone will help with the work, kids, dogs, chores etc. etc.  The only person who will stop this happening is you. 

Don't wait to be in our position to decide that this matters; just take my word for it and stop, just for a moment, stop.

1 comment:

  1. I had my 23 year old son home for 48 hours last weekend, the first time in 4 months since his brain injury, it was exciting and scary and heartstopping and filled with hope then sadness but every second was filled with love.........been reading your blog for over an hour now....... thank you for your honesty and pure love.... x