In a very weird way brain injury is both isolating and inclusive. All of the books tell you that after the initial acute phase people who have been very involved will become less present, often finding if difficult to know how to interact with the new person the survivor inevitably becomes. One hates to be a cliche, but that has definitely happened to us. That's not a dig by the way, it's just the way it is.
The compensation for this is the new network of virtual friends I have found through social networking. Both Twitter and the Headway health unlocked site have brought me into contact with good people who understand, would never judge and give me endless support and encouragement.
I think my favourite thing about the very good people on the Headway forum is the utter lack of bullshit; whether it is because of frontal lobe damage or just simply the honesty of people who have experienced true trauma, I know that what I read is real, unvarnished and truthful; even if that means sometimes it is a little blunt! I can count on one hand the number of people in my non-virtual life who are that genuine; wouldn't be great if everyone was? Apart from Jake obviously, I could REALLY do without some of his frontal lobe damage induced bluntness!
This life is far from easy, but the comradeship and acceptance of my virtual friends makes it easier to cope.
This life also makes you look at problems a little more creatively; when Jake sustained his severe injury 17 months ago he wasn't expected to survive and no one could have predicted that last weekend he would stand up next to his great friend Mike as his best man. With such a complex mix of cognitive and speech deficits the best man speech was always going to be a bit tricky, but with the help of my sister in law's colleague (and very good people) Andy Davies, we still managed to make everyone cry with this! The best man
This is what life's about! Honoring friendships, expressing gratitude, even having fun and making the best of the hand you've been dealt. Thanks so much for sharing, this is AWESOME!!!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely looking forward to getting more involved again :-)
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind me commenting. I am a friend of Kate Wise and have been reading your blog every week since you started it. Your writing is eloquent, sometimes uplifting, sometimes heartbreaking and your love for Jake always shines so brightly. You are so brave and have made me appreciate the special people in my life more frequently than anyone else in my nearly 40 years. I hope the longer than usual gap between your blog entries is because of work and time spent with Jake and not because of any bad news.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes now and in the future
Barbara-Anne McGregor
Friends and family who, when my adult son was on lifesupport, were very supportive, now find him awkward to talk to (slurred, hesitant and time-lapsed speech) so they just don't bother. "Friends" who were always ringing the hospital when he was in a coma, now tell each other to "spread out" so he cannot sit at their table in the local club! (fortunately he does not know this) Family members who just do not want to know - his (sometimes) bizarre behaviour embarrasses them so it easier not to visit or see him, although some of them work in the "caring" professions (9-5 caring I think!) Do I sound bitter? YES I AM!!!!
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